What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
