I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
