I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
