talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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