I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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