So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
