Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
