If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
