I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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