So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
