1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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