Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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