I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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