Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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