even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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