Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
