I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
