You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
