watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
