Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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