I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
