Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
