yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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