A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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