I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
