Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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