Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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