guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
