using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
