I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
