How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ugly people sure do ruin things
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
