How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
