I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
