based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
