Define "chronic" masturbator.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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