I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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