My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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