I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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