I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
