bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it was like eating out sand paper
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
