ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
