If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
