I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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