Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
