I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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