Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
