Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
