3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
