The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
