i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
