so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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