i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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