We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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