so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
