I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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