My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
