Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
