nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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