i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
