hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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