Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
