I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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