Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
