dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
