Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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