garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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