I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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