I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
