clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
