it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
