Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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