"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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