I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
