Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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