Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
