fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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