my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
