At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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