Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
