I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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