if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you win again, gameday.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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